Road to US

How I learned to deal with depression!

We all have a home position like a robot. After a certain activity, we always tend to go back to that position. Home position can come with different criteria – happy, sad, angry, envy, fear. Our brain is accustomed to that specific emotions that we always go back to. My home position was sadness – extreme sadness, in a word – depression. 

After joining my dream job, it took me a month to find out how unbelievably perfect this job is for me. Everything was going perfectly until it was not. I got back to my home position after about three months. I was the only international individual in my company. For the first three months that was a wonderful thing. I enjoyed talking to people about my country and culture. But suddenly that turned out to be a curse! I couldn’t join any of the conversations of my co-workers. I started missing my family. I was lost. Something left me brittle and I had absolutely no clue what.

I became a part of a vicious circle. My mental condition started to shadow my work. And my work started to shadow my mental condition. It was an absolutely devastating misery. I couldn’t get out of it for weeks. One day my colleagues were having a discussion about a vacation with families. And that’s the time I started having a meltdown. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like the whole world was conspiring against me!

That day, I came home and started sobbing uncontrollably, having my meticulous suicidal thoughts. We were raised to believe, suicidal thoughts are inappropriate subjects to talk about. But if I want someone to understand how miserable I was, it is important to talk about this. Everything was unbearable for me. So I started praying and talking to God. “How can I be happy?” Like Liz Gilbert’s God, my God replied “Go to bed. You don’t have to be happy right at this moment. We will figure this out in the morning”

So that night I went to bed. For next one week, I started researching about happiness and started reading books. It’s amazing how you always find the answers you are looking for. “Why nothing’s working out?” Well if you think nothing’s working out, you will always find why it isn’t. Your home position defines your questions. Why is he doing better than me? Why nothing’s working out? What if I get fired? Why am I always depressed? … Your questions are wrong. No wonder your answers will be too. If your question is “what should make me happy?”- Everything around you will help to find the root of your happiness.

My question was “how can I be happy”. I got the answers pretty easy.

1. Stay positive

2. Change your mindset

3. Focus on the things you want

4. The five-second rule- getting rid of procrastination

5. Your wish comes first

Sounds extremely cheesy, right! But these cheesy things changed my life. No, it was not easy implementing these in my life. In fact, I am still learning. These are the programs that you need to write and set as your home position. The home position is not set in days. It takes months, years, dedication and practice. But what I don’t understand is how we never want to admit that we have problems. Self-awareness and self-development are the two most important things, an individual should practice in their early life. Yet, we know nothing about these. Moreover, we make an absolute mockery, if possible.

Dopamine, a neurotransmitter, increases whenever we get a positive response in social media. Our brain recognizes dopamine as a reward. It creates addiction. If you can not go without your phone, facebook, snapchat, insta for 5 minutes, you can not have a meeting without your phone on the table. Don’t think you are popular! You have an addiction. And that makes you lazy and unfocused. So for 2 months, I absolutely stopped all the communications on social media. And that was probably the best decision I made at that time. I started practicing all the good things. I reminded myself not to have negative thoughts for a second. And I recovered from my mental disease. The idea is not that you will never be sad or angry and nothing negative will happen in your life. The idea is that we learn to deal with these negative instances in life by staying positive. We, internationals, stay thousands of miles away from life. The only thing we can do is make ourselves happy and treat ourselves every moment.

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